Hello everyone, here is another amazing mom telling us her motherhood story.
Welcome Dagny Sol!
Her name sounds mystical and her writing touches your heart. She weaves wonderful rugs. Weaving words and yarns is her passion. A Corporate Trainer and Belief Coach by profession; Dagny wears many hats.
Like many other Bliss Moms, I met Dagny virtually through her blog. Her writing made me introspective. Her narration is visual and graceful.
In this interview, Dagny shares her struggles and experiences as a mother. Her detailed answers are filled with wisdom that mothers will find helpful. The way she has faced challenges is inspiring.
Recently, Dagny has started crafting rugs. Each of her rugs has a story to tell. With her rugs, you receive a charming hand-written letter especially written for you. Check the resources at the end of the interview to find out more.
1. Tell us about yourself, your passions and interests.
I am a Corporate Trainer and Belief Coach by profession. Belief coaching is a part of life coaching. It is just focused on revitalizing your self-belief; belief in your abilities, in your inherent wisdom and in your intuitive, inner guidance. I believe the core of all confusion within a person- which pulls them in different directions- is because they abandon their own inner compass. I try to reacquaint people with their own power. This is my biggest passion.
My second passion is to read. They say, “Five years from now, you would be the same person you are today but for the places you visit and the people you meet.” Through books, I visit places and meet people that my physical limitations wouldn’t have let me meet otherwise. And what wonderful journey’s I’ve been on!
My third passion is to write. Writing helps me crystallize my thoughts. I have had amazing epiphanies while my fingers were dancing over the keys of my laptop. My mental tumblers have clicked and nudged thoughts into place. I have had full-bodied insights jump up between elusive phrases, clamouring for acknowledgement. No matter how many times that happens, I will never cease to be amazed- and grateful.
I am also passionate about hand-crafted goodness. I love creating beautiful things out of fabric and wool. Some of my hand-crafted work is available online.
Last but not the least, my passion are my three children aged 22, 17 and 13. I separated from my husband eleven years ago and am a single mom. I am proud- yes I am- of having brought them up alone… of being solely responsible for them financially, emotionally and physically. My parents’ moral support was invaluable over the years as was the love and understanding of my kids. For both, and a lot more, I am grateful.
2.What is the best thing about being a mother?
What’s the best thing about being a mother? Where do I start?
Nothing compels you to understand diverse points of view as your children do. You learn to accept the possibility of a diametrically opposite world view to your own as something that can be equally valid as your own. As an off-shoot, your perception widens, your vision expands. You become a lot more accepting and patient. Your tolerance levels reach ever higher making you a far better person than you could have been without your kids.
Since my kids have grown up (almost), I have one more joy to share. To see the kind of people they have become… to see them confident, compassionate and caring… is certainly the best thing about being a mother. It also made me realize (too late for my own kids, but there’s surely going to be grandkids! that I needn’t have been as strict with them as I was.
3. Tell us about the most difficult day you faced and overcame as a mother?
The day I realized that my younger daughter (then eight years old, now seventeen) was dyslexic, was certainly the most difficult day for me as a (single) mother. Fortunately, I was already familiar with dyslexia. When I realized that my daughter’s academic difficulties were because of dyslexia, I got in touch with her school. They typically refused to help and only recommended that I let my daughter repeat a year. Everything in me was revolted by the thought. The next day I saw my little angel crying into her pillow, so I wouldn’t hear her sobs. After much coaxing, she tearfully told me that she was petrified of going to school because her teachers were impatient with her and her classmates. made fun of her cruelly- as children will. That decided it. I took her out of school.
For the next three years, she was home-tutored. I created a remedial program for her so that I could teach her the way dyslexics ought to be taught. She re-joined main-stream schooling three years later. This year, she will be appearing for her tenth board through National Institute for Open Schooling. She is delayed by a year but to compensate for that she is a confident, well-read, caring and compassionate girl. The extra year couldn’t have been better utilized.
4. What advice would you give a mama who feels discouraged by the responsibilities?
It’s okay to be discouraged occasionally. It happens to all of us- and more than once. If you were sitting with me right now reader, I would have given you a big hug first of all. Motherhood is the most demanding of all roles you will ever undertake in your life. It is demanding for many reasons.
First of all there’s the little soul who is dependent on you for EVERYTHING… every hour of everyday. None of us are ever prepared for such an exhausting, pervasive commitment. Nothing prepares us for it, it knocks us out completely. It is nothing like we ever imagined it to be- the good as well as the exasperating.
Then there are the societal expectations. I have never understood why (especially in India) there is no end to what society (men and women) expects from women. There is, simultaneously, a parallel movement to show them how inadequate they are doomed to be and how they ought to pull up their socks (although they’ll never be able to pull them up high enough)! Please, if you value your own sanity (on which your child’s world view is going to be based, mind you), don’t let societal expectations bog you in a mire of ‘shoulds’. There are no ‘shoulds’ in mommy-land.
And lastly, there are your own expectations- fed by the love you have for your child. You want to do everything for her; you want to BE everything for him. Do as much as you can. If you look back on your own childhood, what will stand out is how much fun you had with your mother… the things you did with her… the way you bonded through ordinary, mundane activities. You will not remember the less than perfect things I am sure. Trust me, your kids won’t either. Do as much as you can while remaining happy and guilt-free. Having an upbeat, happy and imperfect mother beats having a depressed, stressed but perfect mother. ENJOY your motherhood… it is a unique experience every single time.
5. What are you working on at present that you’re most excited about?
At present I am working on expanding my Belief Coaching reach. Since this kind of coaching happens perfectly well through online and phone conversations, I am not limited by geography.I am also creating more and more hand-crafted fabric and wool rugs and decorative mats and doilies. The response I have received to both these activities has been thrilling and thus very encouraging.
6. Has motherhood changed you? How?
Of course motherhood has changed me! In my youth I was an impatient, short-tempered woman. I always wanted things done yesterday. My kids have taught me to wait. I have learned that things will happen in their own time… and that even when they don’t happen… it isn’t the end of the world. Just because one door didn’t open- no matter how much you wanted it to- doesn’t mean there are no other doors in this world. Some other door will surely open and it will be the best possible door to open for you and your child. I believe that will all my heart!
7. What self-care practices do you follow?
I keep myself happy. I do things I want to do the most. I keep my mind and heart well-fed- even if it means I have to tell my kids to leave me alone. I make sure there is no trace of frustration in me. If I don’t want to talk for a while, if I am tired and simply cannot bear to get up and make them a meal, I tell them to fend for themselves. And they do! Some amazing dishes were born in my kitchen because of their love for trying out something new away from the eyes of their mother. Just today I was told of them using peas in making an omelette. “Well, I’ll be damned”, I said to myself! Who on earth puts peas in an omelette for God’s sake?! 😀
8. What is/was your biggest challenge in balancing the time, space and energy to connect with yourself after becoming a mother? Any tips to share with us?
The biggest challenge was that there was no time, space or energy to connect with myself. However, that was just a phase, thank God! I don’t mind confessing that there was a time when I thought that disconnect with myself will become my way of life… and that was NOT a happy thought! Then a friend of mine explained the importance of a support system. She told me that I must have people around me who could be depended upon to take up the slack when I was overwhelmed. Friends, family and even domestic help… could help me by tackling things that could function without my personal involvement. I learned to live with less-than-perfect… the SINGLE scourge blighting the lives of mothers. I came to terms with okay meals and no longer beat myself up over it. I convinced myself that my family was robust and will surely survive an occasional bland meal. That one thing alone freed up so much time! While the cook would be rolling out chapatis, I would in curl up with a novel feeling absolutely decadent!
9. What three things would you want/wanted your kids to learn?
I wanted my kids to learn Integrity, Compassion (for self and others) and robust Self- Reliance. They are still learning… specially compassion. But then human beings are always a work-in-progress! They will get progressively closer to it I’m sure… just as I will too.
10. Do you have a space in your house where you connect with yourself?
The truth is, connecting with myself is a spontaneous and on-going process for me.My craft room is certainly a place where I am the happiest. I am most engaged with myself here; I have all the means at hand to express my engagement. I am rather finical about the way I organize this space. I take time to create elaborate systems of organizing my supplies… and invest time everyday to maintain that system. The result is, I always know what I have… and where. That saves me time when I am creating something. It’s an absolute delight, trust me.
Though my craft room is surely a place for me to connect with myself , the absolute truth is, I don’t really need a special nook to make that connection happen. When I am writing, I’m usually propped up on my bed with my laptop whirring away at the speed of my thoughts. My kids know me to be writing and so don’t often interrupt. Off I go then… into myself.
On a balmy evening when I am sitting on the swing in the garden with fragrances wafting from the various vines and flowers, it takes me mere seconds to go on a journey within. I can sit on the terrace and lose myself in the brilliant blueness of the day or the silver of a moonlit sky. I can sit by the bank of the river and delve deep within. When I am cooking, I am TOTALLY engrossed… 100% engaged with the process.
I think connection with self is an attribute of your focus on what you are engaged with. For me, that focus is intense always; no matter what I am doing. Even when I am multi-tasking (as all of us must do at times), my focus is on the task that needs my conscious attention… while the other thing( s) happen in the background without conscious supervision- so to speak. I guess I connect with myself all the time… anywhere. Funny, I never realized it before I wrote it all down just now. Hmmm….
11. Anything else you would like to add.
Thank you immensely for giving me a chance to share my thoughts with your readers Nupur! I hope Bliss for Moms becomes a go-to resource for moms- new and old. My love and best wishes to you and your wonderful vision!
Many thanks Dagny for accepting our invitation to become a Bliss Mom!
To know more about Dagny check these resources-
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